we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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