Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
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