Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
