oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
