wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
