drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
