We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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