Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
