I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
