I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
