Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
