I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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