that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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