You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
