Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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