I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
