i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
