I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
