i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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