I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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