Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
