I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
