P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
