i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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