So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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