He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
