i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
