Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
