Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
