Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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