we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
