Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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