Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
