You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
