First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
