i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
