i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
