True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
