If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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