i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
