I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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