The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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