Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
