I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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