Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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