dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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