Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
