I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
