Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
