I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
