last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
