I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
