my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Shame is for Republicans.
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